


burning the candle at both ends

by rosecolouredlesbian



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, they're soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecolouredlesbian/pseuds/rosecolouredlesbian
Summary: Yaz doesn't think the Doctor ever sleeps. One night during a walk around the TARDIS, her questions are answered but not as she'd hoped.





	burning the candle at both ends

The Doctor never sleeps. Well, Yaz never sees her sleep. Not like she’s looking out for a time to catch her in her slumber and admire her. 

Anyway.

It feels like they never really get a break on these wild rides with the Doctor and her little blue box. They go from one place to the other, spending different amounts of time in each corner of the universe, never knowing what time or place they’ll find themselves in next. So it’s pretty safe to say they’ve lost all semblance of a regular sleeping pattern. 

Graham, Ryan and Yasmin tend to just drop when they feel exhausted, excusing themselves the side of the TARDIS where their rooms are in order to collapse into sleep for the next unknown amount of hours. 

Whenever that happens though, Yaz hangs back for a second, to wish the Doctor a good night. Each time though as she starts to leave, the Doctor keeps working and keeps flicking buttons that do things she could never understand (but she still listens in awe whenever the Doctor tries to explain it to her). 

Then when Yaz emerges from her long periods of sleep, she finds the Doctor right where she left her the night before, pulling some levers and eating some custard creams. She never shows signs of exhaustion, no matter what they go through. Yaz gets the feeling that she’s putting on a brave face for all of them, it’s probably what she has to do to get through the tragedy and despair she constantly faces. However, there are times when Yaz will look into the Doctor’s eyes and sees something more than she shows when the boys are around. The way the Doctor looks at her makes her feel seen, makes her feel appreciated. It's something that she never got when she was just a cop solving parking grievances or when she would go on dates her sister set up for her. The Doctor makes her feel important like no one else ever has. 

And, boy, does Yasmin enjoy looking at the Doctor too. There are so many sides to the Doctor and Yaz adores every single one of them. When she’s rambling off some alien talk to save the day that leaves Yaz in awe of her intelligence. When there’s a fire within her as she fights for justice and the safety of innocent people. When she gets so excited it’s like a kid when they hear an ice cream truck approaching. Each day and each new discovery she makes about the Doctor, Yaz falls for her more and more. 

They’ve seen so many galaxies in the skies but there are so many more that she would love to explore in the Doctor’s eyes. There’s a magic behind them and Yasmin’s favourite thing to do is to get lost in them. 

Yaz worries about her often though. Worries that she’s putting herself in danger and not treating herself with the kindness she deserves. She wants more than anything to take away the pain she sees in the Doctor’s eyes. When they got back to the TARDIS after sitting on the bus and not standing up for Rosa Parks or when they had to walk away from Prem as he got shot, those nights weren’t easy for any of them. And if she could barely rest after that, there’s no way the Doctor could’ve. 

One night, after exploring the night market’s of China in the year 3452, Graham, Ryan and Yaz went to their rooms for some rest. The Doctor stayed behind in the hub of the TARDIS, saying she’s not far behind and that she just has to program the TARDIS to drift in safe space for the next several hours. Yaz left her with yet another shared look that makes Yaz feel like maybe what she’s feeling is reciprocal even when her better judgement tells her it isn't.

In the middle of the night, Yaz wakes up. It’s not sudden or instigated by a bad dream but she knows as soon as she opens her eyes that she’s not getting back to sleep.

She decides to get up and take a walk around the TARDIS, there’s no way she’s been able to explore it all and she probably never could but she’s still going to try. 

Her bare feet hit the cold floor beneath her and a small shiver runs through her. She walks over to her chest of drawers, grabbing a hoodie from inside the top drawer and throwing it over her shoulders. It doesn’t do much to shield her almost bare legs exposed by her pyjama shorts, but she’s sure she’ll warm up as she starts walking. 

Initially walking into the wonder that is the TARDIS, Yaz was instantly struck with how much bigger it is on the inside but it takes longer to figure out just how much bigger it really is. She hopes that one day she'll get to explore it all, she doesn’t want to leave the Doctor anytime soon. 

She makes her way to the heart of the TARDIS, expecting to find the Doctor doing some mechanics, complete with her tongue poking out the side of her mouth as she concentrates (which Yaz thinks is endlessly cute) but she only finds the quiet hum and the orange glow if the centre console. Yaz furrows her brow. She was looking forward to seeing her so she decides to widen her search.

Graham, Ryan and her rooms are on one side of the TARDIS and as far as Yaz knows, the Doctor’s isn’t on their side. Yaz starts to wander with no real direction. She walks down a hall she hasn’t been down before (as far as she can tell, it’s a bit hard to be sure). 

The silence is interrupted by a noise that sounds like a groan of pain. Yaz stops in her stride, trying to figure out which door the sound came from. She hears the noise again and recognises it as the Doctor. She walks forward a few steps to a door on the left side of the hallway. She waits a few seconds, not really sure what to do. First of all, she doesn’t even know if this is definitely the right door. Second of all, who knows what’s behind it. Her first instinct was that it was the sound of the Doctor in pain like she’s in danger. But for all she knows it could be… another type of sound. The opposite of pain.

However, she can’t risk leaving and it really being the sound of the Doctor in pain, so she gives a few light, tentative knocks on the intricately engraved door. 

“Doctor?” Yaz calls out. 

There’s another noise and Yaz decides she needs to know that the Doctor is okay more than anything else at that moment. Yaz quietly opens the door and finds the Doctor tossing and turning in her bed, covers half on the floor and half on top of her. Yaz is instantly struck with worry. She’s never seen the Doctor this vulnerable and distressed. She needs to wake her.

Yaz approaches the bed and takes a seat on the edge, leaning over the Doctor.

“Doctor?” Yaz tentatively says, placing her hand on the Doctor’s outstretched arm. “Doctor, wake up.”

The Doctor stirs, continuing to make sounds that make Yasmin’s heart hurt.

“Doctor, it’s not real. It’s okay,” Yaz says, louder this time. She squeezes the hand on the Doctor’s arm and places her other one on the Doctor’s cheek trying to soothe her out of her dreams, or nightmares might be more appropriate.

The Doctor’s eyes open suddenly and she bolts upright, her hands now gripping Yaz’s arms defensively. 

“Doctor! it’s me, it’s Yaz. It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe.”

The Doctor’s eyes adjust to the darkness and she turns to look at Yaz, horror spreading across her face. 

“Yaz,” the Doctor let’s go of Yaz’s arms, sitting up more and looking around. “What’s wrong? Has something happened? Where are Ryan and Graham?”

“Everything’s fine. Ryan and Graham are still in their rooms asleep. Everyone is okay.”

“Okay,” the Doctor exhales but her eyebrows are still furrowed in confusion.

“I couldn’t sleep and I decided to take a walk around the TARDIS and” Yaz hesitates, confronted by the intimacy of the moment. “I heard you. I sounded like you were in pain. I think you were having a nightmare.”

The Doctor looks deep into Yaz’s eyes with an expression that she can’t quite read but it makes Yaz’s heart race all the same.

“Right,” the Doctor says, nodding and ducking her head. “Well, that’s probably enough sleep for the day then. Time doesn't wait for anyone. Trust me, I’d know.”

“Doctor,” Yaz says, confused. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay. I’m always okay.” The Doctor must remember something she didn’t before because she continues with much more concern and shame. “Are you okay?” she says, gently taking Yazmin’s arms back in her hands, tracing the inside of her wrists with her thumbs. “Did I hurt you?”

The Doctor looks heartbroken at the mere thought that she could’ve caused any pain to Yaz. 

Yaz nods. “I’m okay, you didn’t hurt me.”

The Doctor still looks angry and ashamed of herself. “I’m so sorry, Yaz.”

“Don’t worry, honestly. I woke you up from a dream, that’s how people react.”

The Doctor nods, not convinced but slightly relieved all the same.

“What were you dreaming about?” Yaz asks, tentatively.

“I don’t remember really. It could’ve been so many things.”

Yaz moves her hands so she’s now holding the Doctor’s in hers, urging her to continue. 

The Doctor sighs in hesitation, considering whether she should share a part of herself. “I’ve seen a lot of bad things in my life and I’ve seen a lot of pain, even been the cause of it on numerous occasions. They don’t ever go away, not even when I sleep. So I don’t really sleep.”

Tears start to form in the corner of Yaz’s eyes. She has nothing but admiration for the Doctor and how she put herself in the line of danger in order to help others. But it’s no surprise there’s darkness behind her exterior. Yaz loves her goofy, bounce-up-and-down-like-a-five-year-old energy but there are so many layers to the Doctor, some of which Yaz isn’t sure she wants to know. What's more important though is who she is right here, right now, doing her best to make the universe a better, safer place. It hurts her to know that the Doctor is haunted by these memories so much that she can't rest, that this is the reason why she never goes to sleep at the same time as the rest of them. After all the good she's done, she deserves to have peace when she sleeps.

Yaz doesn’t really know what to say, she just grips the Doctor’s hands tighter in hers.

“It doesn’t matter,” the Doctor says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “You should get some more sleep.”

“So should you,” Yaz says. 

The Doctor shakes her head. “I couldn’t sleep again now,” she shrugs.

“I could...” Yaz hesitates. “If I was here with you, it might help you to sleep better. Maybe.”

The Doctor looks deep into Yaz’s eyes and her heart races so fast at the vulnerability of her suggestion she can feel it in her ears. 

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me the first time so you won't now either.”

The Doctor considers it for a long while but then she nods and smiles appear on both of their faces. Yaz stands so that she can quickly strip off her hoodie and get under the covers with her. There are a few moments of awkwardness where neither of them know where to position themselves but then the Doctor takes Yasmin’s hand in hers and guides it to wrap around her shoulder so that Yaz is spooning her. Yaz takes a shaky breath but settles into the contact, enjoying the warmth of being this close to the woman of her desires, the woman she loves now more than ever. 

“Thank you,” the Doctor whispers, so low that most people might not have heard it.

“Of course,” Yaz whispers back. “Good night.”

The Doctor has the best night sleep she’s had for as long as she can remember. And so does Yaz.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still trying to figure out the characterisation of Thirteen since we haven't seen a lot of her being vulnerable it was a bit hard to figure out for this one. Anyway, I hope you liked it! Comments and kudos are really appreciated :)
> 
> Follow me at thirteenyazmin on twitter or ginalinettii on tumblr if you like


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